Cue Heroic Music: Star Wars Ficlets
by Feeding-The-Wolves
Summary: This is a set of funny, stupid ficlets, which are hopefully entertaining to read. Chapter 8: Mace has another spectacular breakdown while interrogating Jango Fett.
1. Fatherly Love

**Helloooo! I'm very happy to be writing for Star Wars again! This is more funny, parody-ish stuff, since I really can't write seriously for Star Wars. Anyway, this first story is just a little thing on Darth Maul and Darth Sideous which I thought up a while ago. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, plotlines or settings of Star Wars. They belong to George Lucas, duh.**

Darth Maul was furious. He clenched and unclenched his fists mechanically, trying to control his ragged breathing. Usually, if somebody annoyed him, he would just grab his double-bladed lightsaber and cheerfully lop off their head. But considering the person who was annoying him was his Master, and an incredibly powerful Sith Lord, there wasn't much he could do. Except sulk. Maul was very good at that. Almost as good as he was at brutally murdering civilians.

"Maul! Come and look at this, son!"

The Sith apprentice's striking red and black visage twisted with embarrassment. His Master had lately taken to calling him son, and taking him on outings. Today Maul was being dragged around a zoo.

"Yes, my Lord?" Maul said deferentially, moving to stand at a respectful distance from the Sith Lord.

Darth Sideous gestured towards a bantha in a nearby pen, which was chewing grass lazily.

"A bantha, Maul! Isn't that lovely? What do you think?"

Maul looked shrewdly at the hairy bovine. "Yes, I see. How would you like me to kill it, Your Maliciousness? Just yesterday I acquired a marvellous new ion cannon which would do the job quite well, I should think."

Sideous looked uncommonly shocked at the thought of violence. "Why in the galaxy would I want you to do that, Maul?" he asked, frowning. "I see what this is about. I've heard all about these hormonal issues at the fathering classes. When we get back home, we can talk about it-"

"I do not have hormonal issues!" Maul snarled, stamping his foot and fatally stabbing a passerby.

Sideous shook his head sadly. "It's the denial that disappoints me, son."

Two weeks later, Darth Maul was happily continuing to fulfil his animal urges. Luckily, Sideous had invited several pompous Senators over for dinner, who Maul then strategically killed as they walked out the door. Standing over the last Senator, the Sith apprentice raised his saber and prepared to stab it neatly through his chest. At that moment, Darth Sideous walked out the front door.

"How would you like to go bowling, son?" he demanded, smiling joyfully. When he saw what his apprentice was doing, his eyes widened in horror.

"Maul! What in the name of all that is Sithly are you doing?!!" Sideous leaned over and helped the terrified Senator to his feet. "I'm terribly sorry, old chap! Young men can be so volatile."

The Senator stumbled away, pulling out his comlink to assure his mother that he had managed to survive another assassination attempt and would be able to come to that roast dinner on Sunday after all.

Shaking his head gravely, the Sith Lord said, "Son, I just don't know what I'm going to do with you. Now, let's go to the bowling alley. Afterwards, we can sit and have a milkshake, and we'll talk about your anger issues."

Maul gritted his teeth. _Ah well_, he thought with a sigh. It was time to take out that bowling ball with the explosives inside. He'd always known that would come in handy someday.

**What did you think? Press the nice, shiny button below and receive a free gift! That is, a reply from me thanking you for your kind reviewing. **


	2. Cue Heroic Music

**Hi again! This is something I've wanted to put on Fanfiction for a very long time. It's basically a rewrite of the scene in The Phantom Menace where Qui-Gon saves Jar Jar. That scene has so much comedic potential.**

The minute the droid transport ship landed on the surface of Naboo, Qui-Gon quietly exited. He strode quickly through the forest, searching for Obi-Wan, who had mysteriously gone missing somewhere around the time that Qui-Gon had accidentally sat on the eject button. Rounding a thick clump of shrubs, he found himself facing a small lake. There was a tall alien standing knee-deep in the water, looking intently at something below the surface. As Qui-Gon watched, it suddenly plunged under the water.

Qui-Gon moved closer to the lake, alarmed. His Force sense was tingling. This being needed his help!

"Fear not, gentle woodland creature! I will save you from your fate!" he cried, pulling off his cloak and diving heroically into the lake. Swimming powerfully under the water, he immediately spotted the alien floating near the bottom, zeroing in on a small, slimy animal. Qui-Gon seized the alien and dragged it, coughing and spluttering, out of the lake and onto the shore.

"Hold on!" Qui-Gon shouted, once the alien was safely deposited on the sand. "I will give you the kiss of life!"

The alien squawked indignantly and squirmed away from Qui-Gon. It was a very odd-looking being; tall with mottled skin, floppy ears and a long, beak-like snout. "Mesa okay, mesa okay!" it cried in a high, irritating voice. "My was just getting breakfast."

"What is your name, you slightly annoying but helpless creature?"

"Mesa Jar Jar Binks," the alien said, looking nervously at the imposing Jedi.

Qui-Gon resolved to prevent Jar Jar from talking ever again by nailing his beak shut. He was just about to act on this impulse when the sound of energy bolts broke the tranquil silence. A moment later, Obi-Wan came racing through the trees, pursued by two droids on floating transports.

"Obi-Wan!" Qui-Gon shouted, "Stand and fight, you coward!"

"My lightsaber is out of batteries again, Master!" Obi-Wan shouted back.

"That's the worst excuse you've ever given me, and that includes the one about your lightsaber being at the dry-cleaners," Qui-Gon replied.

"But you believed that excuse, Master!" Obi-Wan cried.

"I was just humouring you! I'm not stupid, I know that lightsabers don't need washing."

"Can we discuss this later?" Obi-Wan gasped, dodging another set of energy bolts. Qui-Gon activated his own lightsaber and deflected the energy bolts back at the droids. Their transports spun out of control until they crashed into thick tree trunks and exploded into balls of flame.

Panting heavily, Obi-Wan came to a stop beside his Master. Once he had got his breath back, he glanced around, and noticed Jar Jar. The young Jedi turned and glared at Qui-Gon, his blue eyes stern.

"Oh, this is Jar Jar, by the way," Qui-Gon said, indicating the annoying alien. "I saved him from an agonising death."

Jar Jar looked surprised. "Actually, my was only looking for breakfast."

"Master, how many times have we discussed this?" Obi-Wan groaned, looking exasperated. "You don't save people unless they are actually in danger! Now, let's take him back to his home, shall we?" Obi-Wan sighed. Sometimes he felt like _he _was the Master, and Qui-Gon was the apprentice.

**Wow, Jar Jar's speech is really hard to write. Anyway, I would love to have some more reviews! Pleaasseee? You read my stories, I'll read yours!**


	3. Lost In Space

**This is another rewritten scene. It's a drastically altered version of that Clone Wars episodes where Plo Koon and some clones are stranded on a ship. I have to thank TheMacUnleashed, for inspiring me, with her own hilarious parody of that episode (The Other Guy, from her story I Like Short Shorts), to write this little ficlet. **

"What do you mean, the hyperdrive's broken?"

The clone commander looked confused. "I mean that... the hyperdrive's broken, sir?"

Plo Koon sighed and flopped back in his seat, muttering about "damn literal clones". They had now been stranded in deep space for six hours. It was two hours since the Jedi had last contacted him to discuss the situation. He leaned forward and pressed a few buttons, activating the communication device. A large screen above the controls immediately flickered into life, displaying Mace Windu and Obi-Wan Kenobi. They were standing in a strangely familiar room, holding up clothes and other objects.

"Master Windu?" Plo called. "What's the situation?"

Mace jumped and quickly shoved the robe he had been holding onto a nearby couch. "Ah...Master Koon," he said loudly, throwing a quick glance at Obi-Wan, who was hiding something behind his back.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Plo snapped. "How soon can you get me out of here?"

Obi-Wan assured him that they were working on it, while examining a spelling bee trophy that was, Plo again noted, somehow familiar.

Mace added, "You could play a game while you're waiting. I-Spy, perhaps?" At this point, something long and silver fell out of his sleeve.

"IS THAT ONE OF MY TEASPOONS?" Plo yelled, leaping out of his seat. "Put it back into my collection!!"

Mace hurriedly replaced the teaspoon, while Obi-Wan attempted to explain their presence in Plo's apartment. Not impressed, Plo terminated the communication. Those teaspoons would require a full repolishing when he returned to the Temple, he thought gloomily.

"Okay, my turn. It's gold, and shiny, and bright."

Clone 2 considered this description. "Uh... let me see..."

Plo shifted restlessly in his seat. "It's a star, you idiot!"

"Sir!" the commander whined, "He was going to get that one!"

Clone 2 sighed. "Let's play something else, like... I know, Celebrity Heads!"

Bored and irritated, Plo decided to take a nap at this point. When he woke up, Clone 2 was sitting in a chair, umming and ahhing over his mysterious identity.

"So I wear white armour and a helmet, and I work for the war effort..."

The commander nodded encouragingly. "Do you give up? You're me!!"

Both the clones laughed uproariously, then stopped when Plo's teeth-grinding became audible.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sir. Did you want to play?" Clone 2 asked politely.

Plo sighed. "God, I need some booze," he said loudly, to the cockpit in general.

At that point, he noticed that Obi-Wan and Mace had appeared on the viewscreen. Their stunned faces left no doubt as to whether they had heard his proclamation.

"Damn!" Plo shouted, slamming his fist onto the control panel. "So, can we get out of here yet?"

Obi-Wan glanced at Mace. "Should you tell him, or should I?"

"You should. I don't handle emotional scenes well," Mace replied. "They give me hives."

"Okay," Obi-Wan began, clearing his throat. "Well, you know how you've always wanted to see how long it takes you to die of suffocation when you're stranded in space..."

Plo laughed. "You know, it really sounded, for a minute there, like you were trying to gently let me know that we're going to die."

"Er," stammered Obi-Wan, flushing furiously. "Well, as a matter of fact, we are. You've got about an hour until the air runs out."

There was an uncomfortable silence as this news sunk into Plo's brain, and hives began to pop up on Mace's neck. The silence was eventually broken by Mace clearing his throat.

"This might be the wrong time to ask, but... can I have your teaspoon collection?"

**And you thought Jedi didn't have teaspoon collections. Reviews? :)**


	4. The Beginning of the End

**Sorry about the long wait, I had heaps of schoolwork to do. This was an idea I had when I thought about how the Jedi Order was founded... **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Star Wars. I do own Tam and Len. Not that anyone would want them.**

"Ben! Ben! I need your advice."

Obi-Wan groaned and swung his legs off his transparent hammock. Apparently young Luke Skywalker had discovered something else that he was too stupid to work out himself. If it was about that suspiciously large freckle on Luke's neck again, Obi-Wan thought he would probably go mad. But he obediently left the spirit world and appeared as a flickering blue form in front of the young man.

"What is it, Luke?"

"Hello again, Ben! I hope I didn't disturb you," Luke chirped brightly.

Obi-Wan sighed. "No. I was planning to spend another week lying in a hammock, but it can wait."

Luke smiled. "Oh, good! Anyway, I have another problem."

"It's not about that freckle again, is it?" Obi-Wan asked warily.

The young man shook his head. "No... but while we're on the subject-"

"What's your problem, Luke?" Obi-Wan interrupted swiftly.

"Well," Luke resumed, "I want to start a new Jedi Order. How was the first Order founded?"

"No idea. Why don't we go back in time and see?"

Luke frowned. "Can we do that?"

"Sure, it's easy," Obi-Wan replied, shrugging. "Qui-Gon taught me how to do it a few years ago."

"Was that when you were a hermit crab?" Luke asked eagerly.

"_Hermit_," Obi-Wan snapped. "I was a _hermit_!"

At that point, Luke's boring, badly-decorated living room disappeared, and was replaced by a dirty street and several primitive durasteel buildings.

"Where are we?" Luke asked, gaping at his surroundings.

"Several thousand years in the past, in the part of Coruscant where all the hobos live."

A homeless man who was sitting on the pavement nearby glared at Obi-Wan. "Shut up and give me some money!" he yelled.

Obi-Wan hurriedly threw some credits at him, then dragged Luke away. They stopped several metres away from two more scruffy homeless men, who were arguing loudly.

"You stole my wife, Len!" yelled the first man. "I'm gonna kill you!"

The other man clenched his fists. "I told you, Tam, she weren't never your wife! You know marriage to cats ain't been made legal till last week!"

"Damn you, Len!" growled Tam. "Damn you to hell! I'm gonna make a huge army and steal my wife back!"

"Not if I make one first!" Len yelled in response.

Both men then spun round and marched off in different directions.

Len stopped in front of the homeless man who had taken Obi-Wan's money, who was now contemplating whether to buy that shopping trolley off his friend, or just wait until he died and save money.

"How would you like to be the first Jedi Knight?" Len asked the hobo. "You can have as many shopping trolleys and cat wives as you want."

The hobo shrugged. "Sure beats sitting in the gutter and yelling things about the end of the world that no-one listens to."

"Let's go back to the future," Obi-Wan said hastily.

When they were both comfortably seated in Luke's living room, Luke continued to push his rather limited intellect to breaking point.

"So... I have to live on the streets, go crazy and shout things at passersby in order to start a new Jedi Order?"

Obi-Wan sighed. He was wasting valuable hammock time; and anyway, he was anxious to get away before the ghosts of Mace Windu or Yoda appeared and started lamenting the destruction of their beliefs about the Jedi Order.

"Yes. This is your destiny, Luke!"

"Okay!" Luke said brightly. "I'm going to go lie in the gutter now!"

Obi-Wan felt a slight twinge of guilt as he lay back down in his hammock, but he comforted himself with the idea that there would be plenty of time to relax now that Luke was occupied. However, his peace was short-lived; a few minutes later, Qui-Gon appeared, looking positively frantic.

"Obi-Wan!" he cried, eyes bulging with alarm. "Why is Anakin's son lying in the gutter yelling about the end of the world?"

Obi-Wan groaned. It didn't look like he was going to get some peace any time soon.

**Click the review button! I need some more reviews.**


	5. Chinese Whispers

**Okay, this is a silly fic, so you'll have to bear with me. I got the idea from one of my previous stories. If there are any Iron Maiden fans reading this, I am so sorry. So very sorry.**

**Disclaimer: I woke up this morning, and SHOCKINGLY, I had morphed into George Lucas! No, of course I don't own Star Wars! I don't own Iron Maiden either. **

"Come to order, the Council meeting will," Master Yoda croaked, whacking the floor with his gimer stick.

To his great displeasure, Mace Windu and Agen Kolar continued their vehement argument about heavy metal bands.

"What do you mean, you don't like Durasteel Maiden?" Mace cried angrily.

Agen replied, a little more calmly, "I just prefer other bands. Durasteel Maiden's vocals are a little lacklustre, you know? For example- Mace, are you okay?"

Agen broke off, looking concerned; his friend's veins appeared to be popping out of his forehead.

Unfortunately, Yoda chose this moment to intervene.

"Master Windu, quiet be!" the diminutive Jedi Master ordered, rapping Mace's knuckles.

This caused the final strand of Mace's control to snap. "_How the hell did you become head of the Jedi Council anyway? During my first four years on the Council, I thought you were our mascot!_"

Yoda stared at him in silence, his crinkled eyes widening in shock.

"And you!" Mace continued, pointing at Ki-Adi Mundi, who jumped. "For a guy with two brains, you're incredibly stupid!"

The crazed man paused for a few moments, searching for his next victim. His gaze settled on Oppo Rancisis. "What are you, anyway? Some kind of freaky hybrid of a Wookiee and a sea monster? And yes, Adi, your butt _does _look big in your Jedi robes. It looks _huge_!"

Mace paused again, panting from the force of his rage, then turned to Yarael Poof.

"You have the _stupidest_ name I've ever heard! The young Padawans all laugh at you behind your back!"

His next insult was abruptly stifled as Yoda hit him on the back of the head with his stick. Mace keeled over, as stiff as a board. There was a nasty silence, and then all of the Jedi Masters began talking at once.

"Do you guys really think I'm stupid?" Ki-Adi asked, tears forming in his blue eyes.

"I'm not actually a hybrid," Oppo informed them. "I'm a Thisspiasian."

Adi stood up and began craning her neck to inspect her behind. "Why didn't you _tell _me my butt looked big?"

Yarael Poof was the only Jedi Master who seemed unperturbed. "Could be worse," he shrugged. "I was certain he was going to say something about my neck."

After much discussion, it was decided that Mace should be sent on a brief holiday to Naboo, in order to sort out his "issues". The rest of the Council meeting was spent debating the true size of Adi's butt.

As soon as the Council meeting was over, Ki-Adi hurried to tell his friend Kit Fisto of the incident.

"So we were just having our meeting, as usual, when Mace just completely lost his head and started insulting us!"

Kit listened avidly, then gasped, "No! That's unbelievable! I'd better tell Aayla."

He ran straight to the lake, where he breathlessly informed Aayla of the news. "The Jedi Council were in session this morning, and Master Windu's head just fell off! Isn't it awful?"

Deeply concerned, Aayla hastened to tell all her friends, and by the next day, every Jedi, from the tiniest Youngling to the oldest Master, was under the impression that Mace Windu had literally lost his head.

Mace arrived back at the Temple two weeks later, refreshed and laden with plenty of Durasteel Maiden merchandise. An hour after his return, there was a knock at his door. He opened it to find Shaak Ti, beaming at him and holding a bunch of daffodils.

"Hi, Mace!" she trilled, handing him the flowers. "All better, I see! Isn't modern medicine wonderful?"

Mace looked from her to the flowers, perplexed. "Uh... I suppose."

"Anyway," his visitor continued, "I was just sparring with my apprentice when I slipped and accidentally, well, lopped his head off. You know how these things happen. So, I was wondering if I could have the number of the miracle surgeon who sewed your head back on."

Mace spluttered. "What? My head didn't fall off! I have no idea what you're talking about! But never mind that- you _cut your apprentice's head off?_"

Shaak Ti went pale. "You mean... there's no miracle surgeon? Uh-oh. We may have a problem here."

But Mace wasn't listening. The veins in his forehead had begun to pop out again. "Have I ever told you how _ugly _those things hanging off the sides of your head are?"

**Did you like my Iron Maiden joke? It's terrible, I know. By the way, I've made a new forum for Star Wars, which is called The Secret Crush Forum! In this forum, you can discuss your hilarious secret crushes on Star Wars characters! It should be funny. I also have a forum for Jedi Apprentice, if anyone's interested. Thanks to everyone who is reviewing. **


	6. Learning Curve

**TooGingerForAName requested an update for this story, and I wasn't sure whether I had any more ficlets left to publish. But I had a look, and it turns out I still have three more! So, here's one of them. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the plotlines, characters or settings of Star Wars. I don't own Led Zeppelin either, or iPods, or Michael Buble.**

Emperor Palpatine coldly surveyed the line of fidgeting men standing in front of him. His eyes settled on one particular man, an Admiral Piett, who went white and began to shake. What a shame the air hatch hadn't been installed yet, the Emperor thought regretfully. The Admiral was standing right where he intended to put it.

"Admiral," the Emperor began, "was it you who plugged your iPod into the ship's loudspeaker system?"

Piett stared at his feet and gulped. "Uh...yes, sir."

"I thought so. You are surely the only soldier in the Imperial fleet who listens to Michael Buble."

The other soldiers sniggered until the Emperor held up a hand for silence. "You will be dealt with later. Back to your stations!"

As soon as the men had filed out of the room, Darth Vader moved forward and knelt in front of his Master.

"Lord Vader," Emperor Palpatine said, yawning, "I'm bored."

Vader nodded in a resigned manner. "Alright, my Lord. Would you like to Force-choke me? Let me just stand up against the wall over here-"

"No, not today," his Master replied. "But I would quite enjoy watching you deal with Admiral Piett, I think."

Vader nodded obediently, bowed and walked out of the control room.

The Emperor leaned back in his seat, releasing a satisfied sigh. He turned on a screen that would enable him to watch the action as it unfolded. Annoyingly, an advertisement flashed up on the screen.

"Hi! I'm Gamma 3256! Are you fed up with annoying blood stains on your armour?" asked an energetic Stormtrooper, bouncing around the screen. "The last thing you want to be doing when you've just come home from a battle is clean Rebels' blood off yourself. So we've created a new cleaning product that is guaranteed to remove 99.99% of hard stains: Clean-a-Clone!"

The Stormtrooper held up a bright red bottle. "This stuff saved my life," he continued. "I mean, the Emperor couldn't have chosen a more difficult colour to clean, could he?"

Emperor Palpatine made a mental note to kill Gamma 3256 next time he saw him. Luckily, the screen cleared at that point, and switched to an aerial view of a corridor, where Vader was just catching up to Admiral Piett. Palpatine flicked a switch that would allow him to hear what was going on, and leaned back to watch.

"Admiral!" Vader called to Piett, who turned around, blood draining from his face at the sight of the intimidating Sith. "I want to speak with you."

"Uh..." Piett looked round frantically at his comrades, appealing for help.

"I have to go," stammered one of his friends. "Places to go, people to kill, you know."

Vader took a few steps forward. "I am very displeased with your actions today," he said gravely.

This was not a good start, Palpatine thought. And it got worse.

"Your interests in music are very concerning. I mean, Michael Buble? What planet are you from, Hoth or something?"

Vader thrust his hand into his pocket, eliciting a very swift reaction from Piett. The Admiral shrieked and covered his face with his hands, and Palpatine chuckled. Vader was finally getting the hang of things.

Or, at least, it seemed like he was, for a short time. Removing his hand from his pocket, Vader handed Piett a CD. Palpatine stopped laughing.

"Now, this is Led Zeppelin. I mean, it's not their best record, but I was hardly going to waste my favourite CD on a scumbag like you."

"Lord Vader," the Emperor ordered over the intercom system, "Please report to the control room immediately."

Palpatine leaned back in his chair, flexing his hands in preparation for some serious Force-choking, as Led Zeppelin began to echo through the ship. _Much to learn, Vader still has,_ Palpatine reflected, _and- oh no! I'm turning into Master Yoda!_

**Eh, I like my other stories better. But anyway, there's still two more ficlets I haven't published yet, so I'll update this story later on. :)**


	7. Temporary Apprentice

**Obviously I was going to have to write a story about Ahsoka at some point. So, here it is! I had fun with this one. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, or YouTube. **

On a bright morning at the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan was snoring loudly, sleeping off a long and humiliating training session with Luminara Unduli which he was certain would be posted on YouTube by tomorrow. He was very thankful that Anakin was on a mission. This was only his second solo mission, which meant that he was probably hanging by his ankles, fighting off savages at this moment in time. In any case, he was far away; and Obi-Wan didn't have to worry about people knocking on his door at six o'clock in the morning...

Obi-Wan jerked awake as someone began hammering on the door to his room. Oh, no. His worst nightmare had been realised: Anakin had learned to teleport. He groaned and dragged himself out of bed. Dreading what he would find on the other side, Obi-Wan yanked open the door. It was Mace Windu. Obi-Wan's heart sank. To have Anakin Skywalker at your door at six in the morning was certainly irritating; it would put you in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and at worst you would have to explain how to work an oven to Anakin . But to have Mace Windu at your door at six in the morning? That surely meant you had either been busted doing something forbidden, or you were being sent on a mission that involved things with sharp teeth.

"Good morning, Master Kenobi," Mace greeted him. "I hope I didn't wake you?"

"No, no," Obi-Wan muttered. "I've been up for hours."

Mace nodded, not recognising Obi-Wan's sarcasm. "I understand. I myself wake up at four every morning to begin my training regimen. Anyway, you will recall the discussion we had yesterday about Anakin's new Padawan."

Obi-Wan nodded, feeling pity flood his body as he thought of the unfortunate Youngling who would soon be joining Anakin in his haphazard travels across the Galaxy. He knew from first-hand experience that spending hours on end with Anakin was enough to make you want to gnaw your own limbs off.

"Well, we had to temporarily assign her to a Master, until Anakin returns from his mission," Mace continued. "But I'm afraid you will have to look after her for a short time, until... uh, until things are cleared up."

"Why?" asked Obi-Wan suspiciously. "What happened to the other Master?"

Mace shrugged. "No-one knows."

This was not exactly reassuring, Obi-Wan thought.

"Master Kenobi, this is Ahsoka Tano." Mace moved slightly to the side and gestured towards a short, slight Togruta girl who was standing behind him.

"Hi!" the girl chirped. "I'm, like, Ahsoka."

Obi-Wan stared at her. "Er...I know."

There was a short silence. "Uh, I'll leave you to get to know each other better," Mace said briskly. And he strode off down the corridor, leaving Obi-Wan and Ahsoka alone.

"So," began Ahsoka the moment Mace was out of sight, "Is that a real beard?"

Obi-Wan stared at her again. "Er...yes, it is."

"Wow." The young girl stared admiringly at his chin. "I didn't even know ginger people could have beards."

Obi-Wan decided to change the subject.

"I was just thinking that we should spar," he began. "So that I can assess your abilities."

Ahsoka's face brightened. "Oh, that would be _so _awesome!" she gushed happily. "Master Windu says my fighting skills are, like, excellent!"

"Oh, that's good," Obi-Wan replied, pleased at the thought of an apprentice who would not require much teaching. "Let's go, then."

When they had reached the sparring arena and began training, however, Obi-Wan was irritated to find that Ahsoka's skills were far from excellent. It was true that her performance was much improved after Obi-Wan informed her that she was holding her lightsaber by the wrong end, but she was still dismal. Noticing that Mace Windu was leaning against the wall nearby, watching, Obi-Wan excused himself and walked over.

"Why did you tell Ahsoka her fighting skills were excellent?" Obi-Wan hissed as soon as he had reached Mace. "She's terrible!"

Mace looked shocked. "What? I never said that! I said her fighting skills were _negligent_, not excellent!"

Releasing an irritated sigh, Obi-Wan began to speak again, but was cut off by Ahsoka.

"Master Kenobi!" she called from where she was standing in front of a large expanse of glass. "This door won't open! Is it, like, broken or something?"

Obi-Wan sighed again. "Ahsoka, it's a window."

Mace smothered a laugh. "Good luck."

As he led Ahsoka over to the real door, Obi-Wan already felt exhausted. Somehow, he knew the next few weeks were not going to be fun.

**Hehe. Poor Obi-Wan! He always gets mistreated in my stories. Hope you guys enjoyed it, though. Oh, and reviews make me happy! :)**


	8. Mad Mace, Part II

**Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to post a new ficlet; I've been extremely busy. This is the last one, for the moment anyway. So... I hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the plotlines, characters and settings of Star Wars. You may also have noticed the reference to the movie Mad Max in the title; I don't own that either.**

Jedi Masters Mace Windu and Yoda stared thoughtfully through the glass screen at Jango Fett, who had just been brought in for questioning by Obi-Wan Kenobi. The bounty hunter was sitting at a desk in the centre of the room beyond, staring mildly around at the white walls.

Yoda turned to his colleague and said, "Suggest I do that you be the one to question him." Then, when Mace said nothing, he added, "Since so accomplished you are at crushing people's spirits."

Mace stared at the older Jedi Master reproachfully. "Well... alright then."

He opened the door and slid into the interrogation room. Jango looked up and greeted him with a cheerful, "Oh, hello!"

"Yes, hello," Mace replied awkwardly, sliding into his seat opposite the bounty hunter. "Now, you must be aware of why you have been captured."

Jango stared blankly at him, mouth hanging open slightly, in a really quite impressive display of ignorance.

"Oh." Mace cleared his throat. "Well, we want you to give the Jedi some information on the Separatists."

When Jango continued to say nothing, Mace made an impatient sound in his throat. "Well, go on! Give us some information."

The bounty hunter started and said, "Oh, sorry! I wasn't listening." He held out his hand politely. "Hey, I'm Jango."

Mace stared at Jango's proffered hand, breathing violently through his nostrils.

"So, what did you want?" Jango asked pleasantly.

"We want information about the Separatists," Mace snapped.

Jango gazed blankly at him again. "Separate what?"

At this point, Yoda decided to go and get some coffee; it was obvious that the interrogation was going to take a while. _Perhaps some information we will have when I return_, he reasoned. However, when he did return, the interrogation did not appear to have progressed at all.

"So then I asked the doctor what we could do about it," Jango was saying, while Mace slouched in his seat, looking thoroughly irritated. "And he said to me, 'Well, first we'll have to stick a tube up your-'"

Mace sat bolt upright and cleared his throat very loudly. "Interesting as this conversation is, I really must insist that you tell me about the Separatists."

Jango blinked in a confused way. "The what?"

Just then, the door in the observation room slid open with a hiss and Obi-Wan walked in. "So, how's the interrogation going?" he asked Yoda, who was looking rather annoyed.

Obi-Wan jumped violently as an ear-splitting scream emanated from the interrogation room. The next moment, Mace had slammed against the glass, his cheeks squashed and whitening from the pressure. His eyes flicked madly back and forth, seeking the invisible Jedi on the other side.

"I know you're in there!" he shrieked maniacally. "Help me! HELP ME, YOU COWARDS! Cowards..."

Sobbing uncontrollably, Mace slid down the glass and collapsed in a pathetic heap on the floor.

"Oh," Obi-Wan said lamely, leaning as far away as he could from the glass barrier.

After the still-sobbing Mace had been dragged away to be put on "happy gas" for two hours, Obi-Wan was sent in to finish the job.

He sat down on the edge of his seat and cleared his throat, looking nervously at the imposing, armoured bounty hunter. "Er... I'm here to ask you where the Separatists are based."

"Oh, they're on Geonosis, of course," Jango replied immediately, as if it was the simplest question in the world.

Obi-Wan thanked Jango and stepped back behind the glass to see Master Yoda, trying his hardest not to look surprised at his success.

The diminutive alien stared at him, ancient eyes narrowed, for a few moments. Then he asked, "Why not on the Jedi Council, are you?"

Obi-Wan glared defiantly back at him. "I ask myself that same question every single day."

**What did you think? This one is actually one of my favourites, so I hope you enjoyed it. Reviews would be great, and I will do my best to reply to each of you as quickly as I can. :) Bye for now!**


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